That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
