im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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