I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
