How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
