Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dick very happy bro
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
