i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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