Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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