Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
