Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
