If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
