Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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