just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
