If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
