You smell like a Billy Joel song
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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