Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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