My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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