so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
