Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i dont even know how to be here
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
