Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
