I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
