A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
