No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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