She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
