She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
