hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
