some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
