im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
