I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
