well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My balls are so social today.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
