new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy