yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN