chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"