none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.