he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention