this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
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I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
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I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.