Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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