Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
