I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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