Me too!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
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I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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