Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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