Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
