420 ftw
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
