can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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