You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
