never play flip cup with pint glasses
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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