she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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