When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
