If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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