I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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