omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
