I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
