I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
