don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
