youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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