Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
