i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
