please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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