hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
