I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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