haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
