I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
