If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
