the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
