I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
