so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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