ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My life is pants optional.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
