today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
