I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
