Pappa wants mamma naked
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
