So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
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Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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