i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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