i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
