In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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