office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
