don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
