I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
