if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Your cock deserves a montage
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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