My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
