don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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