i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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