Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
