david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
