i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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