Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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