I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I look better un-naked...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
