So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
