I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
