Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
