he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
