she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
