I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
